Snow sucks!

{ February 5, 2010 @ 12:40 pm } · { written by Jess }
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We have our screening appointments on Monday. I was so excited; not only to get started but also to spend time with Kylene and her family. We were going to hang out and let the kids play and have birthday cake (Happy birthday Kylene!).

And now it’s snowing. Really, really snowing in VA and MD and PA. All the states Kylene and her family would have to drive through. And it doesn’t look good for Monday. I’m so disappointed.

I sent an email to the clinic and as I expected they don’t care either way. They squeezed us in for Monday anyway, so they are happy to reschedule us whenever it works. I just wanted to start and I wanted to see everyone and I am sooo whiny right now!

MAYBE it won’t be as bad as they are saying. MAYBE it will all miraculously melt and disappear by Sunday morning. MAYBE everything will on as planned. Stay tuned… (and do a ’stop snowing’ dance please!)

Introduction

{ January 20, 2010 @ 12:40 pm } · { written by Kylene }
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I am very new to Surrogacy but am very excited about this! M and I tossed around the idea a few years ago about offering to assist Scott and Jessica, but were unsure if we were done having our own children. Then we ended up pregnant with our third, and Cassidy was born (they are 3 mo apart).  It was still in the back of my mind, and then I got an email from Jessica in December saying that they had to figure out their next step, and would possibly be seeking a new carrier. I knew immediately that I wanted to help. So M and I talked about it on our way to see the family (we too were in the car for a LONG time, 20 hours) and he said he was fine with it if I was sure it was something I wanted to do. So I finally got a chance to talk to Jessica about it and here we are!!

She has been so great at informing me of EVERYTHING in this process, as I am clueless about it all! We go in a few weeks for the physical evaluation, etc,  and then hope to be moving on to the next phase. I have had 3 uneventful and easy pregnancies and hope my luck in this department will continue! I want nothing more than to help Scott and Jessica complete their family.

January brings a new start

{ January 19, 2010 @ 10:10 pm } · { written by Jess }
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After our canceled cycle in December, and the proclamation that we needed to find another carrier, we stapled on our happy faces and rode into the holidays… But Scott and I talked about it a lot (we were in the car for about 10 hours). We decided to look into adoption, look into finding another carrier, and possibly just wait and see…

And then we got upstate to celebrate with Scott’s extended family. M and his wife, K, are Scott’s cousins that we have always enjoyed spending time with. They have 3 kids (6, 4 and 1) and live in Virginia.  We had a great time with them for 4 days and the kids played together and got along really well. The night before we came home,  K offered to carry for us.

We were (are) thrilled, but I wanted to make sure that they understood how extensive this process is. So once we got home I started sending lots of information their way. So far, I haven’t scared them off… We’ve spent the last few weeks gathering information and contacting clinics, attorneys, etc.

We are going to continue to use Main Line Fertility here in PA for a bunch of reasons, but the biggest is that’s where our 5 frozen embryos are. K’s appointment for screening is in a few weeks and, assuming we all pass the psych eval  , we will begin cycling in March. Probably a late march, or early April transfer (although I’ve never guessed the timing right!).

Hopefully K will come on and introduce herself and share her thoughts about this whole crazy process!

On another note, plans are underway for this year’s National SMO GTG here in Philly. Right now we have about 30 people planning to come play with us! It should be fun!

So now it takes four…

{ January 13, 2010 @ 8:49 pm } · { written by Jess }
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Now that the shock has worn off, I thought I’d come back and update. I don’t know if we’ll keep this blog going, but if not I may start another one.  I always seem to have something to say.

We currently have 5 frozen embryos – 4 frozen at day 1 and 1 frozen at day 5. As far as we know they are all good quality. You would think it would be fairly common to move them to another clinic, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Some clinics will accept them, others will not.

We have a potential carrier. K is a family member and has graciously offered to carry our baby. We are working out some kinks, but hope that this works out. We love K and her husband and kids and know they would be very protective of our baby for 9 months!

We are going to try and get this going as soon as we can. No one is getting any younger – Cassidy will be 2 in March! Funny thing is I always said I wanted her to be closer to 3 when we had a baby. Looks like I should be careful what I wish for!

We are back to deciding whether to transfer 1 or 2. If you read back you’ll see that I was convinced we would have twins. But then I was also convinced we’d be pregnant before the end of 2009, so my instincts don’t count anymore.

Happy 2010! It’s the year of the baby :)

The End

{ December 19, 2009 @ 12:02 am } · { written by Ginger }
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Transfer day was supposed to be yesterday.  I was on the transfer table and there was fluid in my lining again.  Transfer canceled.  The RE said the fluid could be due to my hormone levels or due to my tubal ligation.  But he didn’t even check my hormones that day, just said it was my tubes and advised my IPs to seek a new carrier.

I don’t know what my IPs are going to decide to do.  But for me, I think it’s the end of the story.  The end of over 3 years pursuing surrogacy with nothing to show for it. The end of a match is hard…but it’s even harder to know that not only will I not be carrying for these IPs, I probably can’t carry for anyone.  The RE did suggest surgery on my tubes but I won’t have surgery, even laparoscopicly, for a surrogacy.  There’s no guarantee it would work or that my tubes are even the problem.  There’s a dream to mourn and other things to worry about…

More details on my current feelings here…but you’ll have to email me-     merield@gmail.com     -for the password if you want to read it.  Just tell me who you are and how you know me.

overdue update…

{ December 14, 2009 @ 10:26 pm } · { written by Ginger }
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I guess I’m overdue for an update, huh?

AF started on 12/1 and I had my first monitoring appointment on the 10th.

I drove to the appointment myself.  When we first set up the appointment, Jess asked, “Would you be upset if I couldn’t go?”  And of course I wouldn’t be upset.  She had a good reason and I don’t need my hand held to get an ultrasound and have my blood drawn.  Her not going meant I had to drive…but I could deal with that.  I asked that she send my anticipated expenses ahead of time and didn’t think anything of it…

The estrace makes me…I don’t know how to even describe how the estrace pills make me feel.  And it’s just the estrace pills specifically, not del-estrogen injections or a rapidly rising E2 level from stim meds and eggs growing.  My moods are all over the place and I’m just not myself.  I feel…agitated all of the time like one little tiny thing can send me into anger or make me upset.  So a couple of days into pills when my IM was busy on vacation and wasn’t sure she could send the expense check out in time, I was a little annoyed.

And my annoyance grew fairly rapidly into anger.  I had to drive a 4-hour round trip and attend an appointment and she couldn’t make time to stop at the post office?  Sure…she’s busy with the holiday stuff but so am I.  She did take time out of her vacation to FedEx me visa gift cards for the expenses but that didn’t appease the seething anger.  Why did we agree to a December cycle again if she didn’t have time for it?  And she had time to go to a surro-friend’s appointment on Tuesday but not to her own surro’s appointment on Thursday.  Sure, her daughter had a thing on Thursday and there’s no reason for her daughter to suffer or sacrifice because of an appointment…except, my daughter has had to make sacrifices for our cycle.  Why should her daughter not have to make any?  Of course, my daughter is older and can be explained to…but her daughter is probably young enough not to remember in few weeks what the problem was.

Rationally, I have no reason to be mad about those things.  I signed up for this and I knew what it would be like appointment wise.  I knew my family would have to make sacrifices, including my daughter.   I even told her that I didn’t mind her not coming when she first asked…but I wasn’t feeling rational last week at all.  I was angry.  I may have been mildly annoyed without the hormones but with the estrace, I was viciously angry, beyond pissed.    That type of emotion isn’t normal for me.  I know it’s the hormone meds.

Anyway, I was on my way to the appointment on the 10th and what should have been a 2 hour drive took me 3 hours.  I was annoyed with the traffic and I decided that it was all my IM’s fault.  If she had been goign to the appointment, I could have been reading on the train and not dealing with the traffic nonsense.  How dare she get me stuck in a traffic snarl!  Clearly, she caused the accident or whatever was backing things up.  I was talking on the phone with a friend at the time to help de-stress from the traffic and she just started to laugh at me.  and I had to join her because I was beyond crazy.  Blaming my IM for the traffic?  Clearly not right.  Just a mood.  A rotten foul mood that had lasted a week and pushed beyond rational by the crazy hormone meds and the awful headache (also from the meds) that wouldn’t go away.

By the time I got to the clinic, I was frazzled but my mood was lighter.  My lining was 12.5 which is above the clinic minimum of 8 though not as spectacular as my 18 last cycle.  So the cycle was going as planned and the clinic wasn’t mad at me for being late.  I stopped for some brunch and the world was good…

Until I started to head home and got lost.    I don’t have GPS and I hate to be lost.  And no one was answering their phones, at least, no one close to a computer who could look up where I was and tell me where to go.  I called my IM in tears.  On the up side, the water works really helped clear up the last remnants of my bad mood.  Turns out I was minutes from my IPs house.  She gave me a soda and we chatted for a while and the world was good again when I headed back out.  I never did get on the highway I intended to get on…but I found my way home anyway.

The clinic wouldn’t tell us for sure if it would be a day 3 transfer or a day 5 transfer.  I was annoyed.  We asked to know on Monday whether it would be Tuesday the 15th or Thursday the 17th.  They said they couldn’t tell us until Tuesday morning.  My IM asked if they could just do a Day 3 transfer and they said, “We have to do what’s best for the embryos.”  Uh-huh.  Well, I’m glad they said that to her not me.  As far as I’m concerned, embryos have no more rights than bacteria.

Anyway, they called my IM today and it’s definitely a day 5 transfer on Thursday so obviously, they did know on Monday and all of the fuss and worry about a potential last minute Tuesday transfer could have been avoided.

I’m currently taking:

  • Estrace 2mg, three times per day – started 12/1
  • Medrol dose pack – started 12/12
  • PIO, 1cc in the morning – started 12/13

The PIO was what I needed.  Even with only 2 doses, my mood already feels more even.  I feel like a rational person again and not out of control with moods and hormones.

So transfer 12/17, 4dp5dt will be 12/21 and that’s when I’ll start to POAS.  I expect positive results by 8dp5dt (12/25) at the latest but probably more like 6dp5dt.  Beta will probably be the last week of December and our first ultrasound the following week.  This will work.  I know there’s a potential that it won’t…but I have to believe it will work.  I couldn’t take the meds and deal with side effects and appointments if I didn’t believe it would work.  And…my due date will be 9/4/2010, the day before my daughter turns 9.

Holidaze

{ November 29, 2009 @ 10:34 pm } · { written by Jess }
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Believe it or not I think about blogging almost every day. I try and think of interesting topics and sometimes I even start a post only to decide it’s boring and/or I don’t even have a point. I follow numerous blogs and sometimes I wonder why people write about things that no one else really cares about. But then it’s their blog, so they can write anything they want, right?

So now I’m writing what’s been in my head for a couple months now. My family is not complete. I love my daughter more than anything, but it always fees like there’s something missing. I’m always thinking that ‘this time next year there will be another baby (or two)’. I always put things off until our family is complete. Stupid things like getting personalized Christmas stockings. I won’t do it until I can get them all. Isn’t that crazy?

Along those same lines…I always said that I wanted a baby boy. Before Cass was born I hoped and hoped for a boy but anytime I thought into the future I saw a girl. In my heart I always knew she would be a girl. In the same way when I think into the future now I see Cass and twins. Yes, I said it. I believe we will have twins. I don’t know whether to hope I’m right or wrong, it’s just what I feel. We will be thrilled with 1 or 2 healthy babies, but I have a funny feeling…

In any case, we are supposed to transfer the week of 12/14 so by New Year’s we will at least know if we are pregnant or not. Happy New Year to us. And to you :)

grrrr….

{ November 16, 2009 @ 5:01 pm } · { written by Ginger }
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Why can’t things be simple?

The November FET has been canceled.  My follicle isn’t growing well this cycle, my lining is too thick for this point in my cycle, and there’s some fluid in there that doesn’t belong.

The nurse grabbed Dr. Cheerful himself to double check and deliver the verdict.  He wasn’t so painfully cheerful today, busy would be a better description.  Anyway, cycle canceled.  :( We’ll clean things out and start over again. 

Ten days of provera starting today.  Then I’ll get a period within 3-4 days.  On CD2, I start estrogen.  Three little blue pills per day.  And around CD12, I’ll go in for a check to see if my lining looks the way it should.  If it does, then we’ll have our FET in December.  The nurse is shooting for the 16th but it could be the 14th or it could be the 18th…

When we found out that the cycle would be canceled, we were thinking January woudl be our next chance but the nurse looked pretty confused.  like, why would you want to delay?  Uh…holidays?  Oh well…

1st monitoring appointment

{ November 12, 2009 @ 9:48 pm } · { written by Ginger }
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The cyst on my left ovary that is my constant friend is still there.  My best guess is that it’s been hanging around since 2006, so I can hardly expect it to just disappear.

My right ovary has one dominant follicle, like it should.  But that follicle is only measuring 8mm and my E2 level was only 69.  So it’s developing very slowly.  Last cycle was a week too long and AF was far too light.  I wondered if I was messed up but the nurse coordinator seems to think it’s okay anyway.  My cycle is just gearing up to be a long cycle.  And apparently that’s not unusual after an IVF cycle and a miscarriage.

I have to go in on Monday, 11/16 for another appointment.  We’ll see where I am then but the nurse guessed that I would probably be ready to ovulate around 11/18 based on the normal growth rate of follicles.  After that, if my LH surge (or HCG shot) is the 18th, it will be 5-7 days from then until transfer.

Cross your fingers and toes for a good report on Monday.

November

{ November 2, 2009 @ 10:53 am } · { written by Ginger }
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Yesterday AF finally arrived.  That was cycle day one.  Because my periods are usually 30ish days long, we don’t have to do anything until cycle day 12.  On the 12th, I’ll grab a train over to Mainline for an appointment.  They’ll check my blood and do an ultrasound and tell me where I am in my cycle.

I am taking Doxycycline, Baby Aspirin, and Prenatal Vitamins.

How do I feel?  I’m glad AF arrived so we can get this started but I can’t muster up any excitement.  I have a lot to do this month.  I’m glad that there will be less monitoring than expected but truthfully, I’m tired of cycling.  I’ve been trying to be a surrogate for 3 years and haven’t yet managed it.  I just want the happy pregnant part to start.  The cycle is a necessary evil to get us there. I’m resigned to the necessity.  Is this how people who are forced to do IVF for themselves feel?  I used to see each new cycle as an adventure, something new and exciting.  Now it feels like a routine and not a fun one.

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