Archive for July, 2009

Contracts

I received the first draft of the contract in my email today. It’s 57 pages.

I wasn’t supposed to send it to Ginger until after Scott and I read it and agreed with everything, but we’re in sort of a time crunch and I figured it was better for us all to be reading at the same time, so I sent it. She’ll likely finish reading it before we will.

Our attorney is very knowledgeable and is looking out for our best interests – as is his job. But I kept trying to explain that we already have a relationship with Ginger and we trust her. There were some things that the attorney wanted in the contract that seemed insulting and I just hope that I caught them all before he drafted it.

I don’t know how people do this with surrogates they’ve just met. We’ve known G for over a year. I’ve seen her in some tough situations and every time she has proven that she is trustworthy. And we intend to have a relationship for at least the next 18 years (likely longer!) so why would either of us jeopardize that? I know, I know, he’s the attorney and it’s his job. But we are the “parties” and we have to be comfortable with all the BS that goes along with this.

And how in the world am I going to get Scott to read 57 pages?

What do you think of this?

There’s a post on SMO that really bothered me… Here are the facts as they were presented (keep in mind this is third hand, one-sided information)

  • IM is recovering from surgery
  • Surro is due to give birth shortly
  • IM feels that due to her recovery, and her husband taking care of her, neither will be able to make it to the hospital for the birth
  • IPs are asking the surrogate to “take the baby home for a few days” AND to breastfeed.

Again, this information was posted third hand and I’m sure it was one-sided. We can never really know what the IPs are thinking/feeling/doing (as well as the surrogate). However, if I were in that situation as it’s presented, I have to say someone from MY family would be in that delivery room!

First of all it’s plain old not fair to ask the surrogate to care for the baby after it’s born. She went into this arrangement planning to come home without a baby. Also, what if , g-d forbid, there are complications and someone needs to make medical decisions for the baby; or the surro; or the surro AND the baby…what a nightmare!

I know that we are blessed to have family members and friends that would do anything for us (including traveling to witness our child’s birth and taking guardianship and bringing them home), but even if we didn’t I would find a way for me or DH to get there. Just sayin’…

Am I caught up?

So here we are…

  • G has started BCPs and prenates
  • Lupron is scheduled for 8/8
  • We are waiting for the rest of the scripts
  • I finished the contract ‘negotiations’ with the attorney this morning
  • The sperm quarantine is up on 8/11 and Scott is scheduled to do his second FDA blood work on 8/12
  • G’s baseline appt is 8/13

The clinic

The clinic that we are using for the egg retrieval and IVF transfer is called Main Line Fertility, located in Bryn Mawr, PA. I have numerous friends that have used Dr. Glassner and I was excited to meet him. My original consult was in January and I was thrilled. I couldn’t wait for a doctor to tell me that we could add to our family. Scott and I had decided that we were only pursuing surrogacy if it was with Ginger as our TS. It was such a perfect situation and I just wanted to doctor to see it that way. I couldn’t stand the thought that he might “veto” our plans for any reason.

I had no reason to worry. Not only is Dr. Glassner very successful at what he does – he’s also a great guy. He was “excited” to be working with us. He thought our story was great and he had no problem with our request to only transfer 1 embryo at a time. He also remembered my friends from 10 and 12 years ago. I was amazed. I couldn’t wait for Ginger to meet him (as she was concerned about roadblocks as well).¬†Our orientation went great (after we went to the correct office – oops!). And we were told to call when G got her August period.

Fast forward to last week. G’s period came early and I about jumped out of my chair. I called the clinic and although they gave me a bunch of information and called in a script for BCPs, when I really stopped to think about it I didn’t have enough information to continue. So I called back. And I emailed. And I emailed and I called. Finally I asked Ginger to play dumb and call and say that I was not giving her the info, could someone please explain it all. She got a little bit more, and made an appt for her baselines, but I’m still trying to get the NC on the phone to get the rest of the scripts!

How I Remember the Adoption “Match”

My first recollection of “conversations” with Ginger was when she announced on SMO that she was pregnant and it wasn’t planned. Everyone knew that we were trying to adopt and wanted to play ‘matchmaker.’ We were both getting emails and PMs along with public postings. I finally had to ask everyone to please stop because it was way too early for that. G and I started chatting after that – we each had questions about the other’s perspective on things and yes, I did come out and pitch our profile to her. We met for dinner in August and just chatted and got to know each other. After that dinner I was pretty sure that Ginger wasn’t going to choose us. I don’t know why exactly, but for a long time I thought she was going to parent and then I thought that she had found someone ‘better’ as I knew she had been reading a lot of profiles online.

There were a few more emails back and forth over the next few months. Not really anything substantial (I have ALL the emails, BTW) until Sunday, February 17. Scott and I had spent the day walking around the outlets and eating dinner and we got home around 6:00 and there was an email from Ginger. It said “will you adopt this baby?” I can still remember the feeling seeing those words, but I can’t explain it. It was like a dream, but so real that it was scary. It was overwhelming and unbelievable all at the same time. In our fashion, we exchanged a few more emails in the next hour and then, finally, spoke on the phone.

The next 4 weeks are a blur. There was registering, ordering furniture, going to a dr appt, buying things left and right and mostly staying up all night thinking about being a Mommy. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since February 16, 2008!

Cassidy was born at 10:50PM on Saturday, March 15, 2008. I will never forget the phone call “you have a baby.” The excitement, the awe, the fear, (the nausea – I had the flu!), the complete lack of knowledge – I loved every bit of it!!!